How Can This Be?

The anxiety rockets through my heart then throughout my whole body as this thought of, "when did this start happening and somehow, I missed it?" goes through my mind as I leave the kitchen.
  Jeff never thought my house was clean enough, so I'm ...cleaning..in hopes of..his return???!!? Whaaat??
NOTHING was ever good enough! "What the f*** are you doing?" I ask myself.
  And yet, somewhere in my heart...